u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
