i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
