So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
