i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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