Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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