Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
