i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize