oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
