Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
