she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
