I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she told me i tasted like america
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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