Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
