benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
