I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
