New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
