y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
