I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
