he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
