im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
