This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Couch. On fire.
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