She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
