D3 body, D1 cock
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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