Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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