He asked me if I "almost moaned"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
