He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just pee around me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
