I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize