i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
false alarm, still single
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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