Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize