He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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