Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
