Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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