ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
