I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
