Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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