i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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