my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
