New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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