I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if only i could text you this smell
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
