Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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