Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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