i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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