Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
