i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
