there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
