Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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