First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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