walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
