I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
