So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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