When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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