Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
