I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just want to make out with him forever
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
