I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
