i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
