Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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