he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
