that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
