My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Two words: nipple clamps
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