we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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