Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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