Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
