she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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