my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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