Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
