pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
