hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
