I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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