Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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