you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
