i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize