but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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