Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cockslap morals
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
