I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
