i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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