i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
