nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
